I’ve taken on the task creating my own stock photos. It’s not necessarily hard but it isn’t easy either. As a lifelong lover of photography and images in general its a challenge that I’ve happily excepted. This morning, as I was sitting at my newly minted work space, I glanced over at my journal and cup of green matcha tea and thought of the simplicity. I grabbed my phone, sat the two beside each other and began snapping away using no fancy apps or filters.
Recently, Thomas (my bf) and I were having a conversation about the future (our future) and I reiterated that post graduation, I’m looking forward to my certain and impending freedom. For the better part of my 20’s and 30’s, I’ve always been chasing something. More than that, I was trying to achieve things that I was “told” I needed to achieve. “They” said “in your 30’s you should have a house complete with mortgage, car note, 2.5 kids, a pet and several years of marriage under your belt.” Newsflash, I don’t. have any of those things and honestly, I have no desire. And I do mean none.
Having been laid off from job at the top the year has afforded me something extremely valuable and what I didn’t have before–clarity. Now with an unclouded mind, I am starting to see the beauty in simple things. Three years ago, I bit the bullet and purchased a DSLR camera, only to give up on my love of photography and video several months later. Within a month, I’ve used my camera more times than I did in three years.
Now, I look at some of the images I snap and I think to myself ‘damn, I’m getting better’, ‘I’m not crazy’ or the occasional ‘damn, that’s a good pic!’ When I was younger, I spent summers at my grandmothers house, flipping through all of her magazines. Every month, she would receive a healthy stack of Conde Nast Travler, National Geographic, Vogue or something similar. I would get lost in the fashion, faraway images and scenery for hours on end. A lot of that little girl who loved art, photography and fashion died as she was trying to provide a life for herself. Chasing something that she never wanted in the first place.
As much as I fought to kill that creative fire in me, its back, burning bigger and brighter than ever.
Don’t get me wrong, being jobless and chasing your dreams is scary. But honestly, now, I’m more excited than scared. More focused and hopeful than lost and adrift. It means more, now, because I fought to become this woman. What woman you ask? A woman who is chasing her dreams and seeing the beauty in simple things.
What simple things are you finding beauty in?
**Originally written, March 2017**